


I wasn’t lying when I said that I love you

by kol1992



Category: Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Accidental Confession, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, One Shot, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, SnowBaz, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23703094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kol1992/pseuds/kol1992
Summary: Baz regrets his accidental confession.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	I wasn’t lying when I said that I love you

I paced up and down the narrow walkway between our beds. It had been half an hour since he had run out our room slamming the door behind him. I wanted to scream or cry or hide. Anything that would soothe the gnawing feeling in my chest and the anxiety building in the pit of my stomach.

What on earth had made me say it?

Thinking back to our conversation made me feel violently sick. I kept swallowing, and my throat kept clenching, but no matter what I could not stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. I could taste it at the back of my mouth. I sprinted to the bathroom as the bile rose and proceeded to throw up forcefully in our toilet. I collapsed on the floor, sweating from the sudden exertion unable to stop my conversation with Simon playing on a loop in my head.

_At the time, Simon had been concentrating on the Magical Words assignment due in tomorrow morning. He had been wearing his round framed glasses which always caused me to short-circuit. He was so absorbed in the reading that his forehead had creased and his eyes were strained looking at the page. He looked exhausted. What I wouldn’t give to kiss him and take his worry away. Although he would probably immediately kill me afterwards. I think it might be worth it. For that moment of pure ecstasy. Clearly without thinking, I rose from my bed where I had been reading a library book and eating a mint aero. In two strides I was stood in front of him. Bewitched by his breath-taking beauty, I placed two fingers under his chin and raised his head. He was looking at me warily when I pressed a soft kiss to the worry lines that had formed between his eyes. In that moment, I wanted to ease his worry. Take the pain away. I clearly wasn’t in my right mind. After seven years of torture, living with the person I loved most in the world while he hated my guts, I have no idea why I snapped._

_“Baz, what the fuck was that,” Simon shouted after he had jumped out of his chair like he’d just been burnt by a poker. I stood still. Speechless. I had no words to explain why I had just kissed him. We stood staring at each other. Neither of us speaking. He looked terrified._

_“Baz. I need to you tell me. Why did you kiss me? What are you planning?” He sounded stressed and desperate. I didn’t blame him. My palms were sweating as I sat on my bed and hung my head in shame. I tried to speak but the words were caught in my throat. He was pulling his hands through his curls. Tearing at his golden hair._

_“Uh… I… can’t… don’t…” I rummaged around with the words in my head. I couldn’t explain it to myself so how could I explain to Simon. How could I tell him why I had kissed him? How could I explain to him that he is my every thought, that I couldn’t bear to see his face in pain, that I love him unconditionally? “I love you Simon,” I whispered. That was when he ran from the room. That was the moment my heart stopped beating. That was the second I felt like I lost the remaining sliver of my humanity._

Reliving the moment was not helping. I needed something to take me away from this purgatory. I pushed myself up off the stone floor as all the muscles in my body ached. It was nothing like the ache in my heart. I embraced the pain. It was a welcome distraction as I slowly lowered myself onto the bed wishing I had brushed my teeth. The bile left an awful bitter taste in my mouth. It had now been over an hour since he had left me. Over an hour of agony and pain. I should just end it all now. I have always said that if I ever kissed him it would be at the moment that he killed me. Why shouldn’t I just finish myself off? My thoughts took this dark turn as the sun began to set for the day.

It was almost curfew and he still hadn’t come back. I desperately wanted to see him but I couldn’t imagine ever facing him again. I can’t believe I actually told him that I love him. What was I thinking? Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by footsteps creeping up the stairs. I quickly turned off the light and pulled my duvet over my body still full dressed. Like a coward. I knew it was him. His scent lures me in every time I try to forget about him. He smells like roast beef and basic laundry detergent.

Once he entered the room, I could hear him fumbling in his wardrobe for his school pyjamas. Clearly trying not to wake me while still being ridiculously loud. I heard the bathroom light turn on and the door click shut as I let out my first breath since he’d stepped back into the room. I slowly turned and examined his side of the room. His bed was now bathed in moonlight and I found myself imagining us both lying on it. I would devote hours to kissing every single freckle on his enchanting body. What I wouldn’t give to discover new freckles that had been previously hidden if there were no boundaries between us. No clothes to hide any inch of either of us. We could finally be one.

My heart-breaking fantasy was interrupted by Simon finally exiting the bathroom. I quickly tried to turn back to face the wall but I was too late. He had clearly seen me moving. He knew I was awake. I would not be the first to break the silence. My heart was hammering deafeningly. I was sure he could hear it. It was taking all my willpower not to just sprint out of the door and spend the next week in the catacombs feeling sorry for myself and drinking the blood of every rat in this fucking school.

I heard him get into bed and then sigh. It was ostentatious. Like everything else about Simon. I hate myself for loving it.

“Baz, can we talk about earlier? I know you’re awake. Please talk to me.” Simon spoke clearer than I’d ever heard him before. His voice ringing out in the silence.

“Snow, go to sleep.” I barked at him. Pleading with him internally to shut up and leave me alone. I was already planning to call Fiona in the morning and beg her to come pick me up. I needed to get away from here and spend the week at her flat in London drinking to forget any of this had ever happened.

I heard the springs creaking in his bed as I turned to look over hoping he hadn’t noticed my slight movement. He had. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, moonlight lighting up his eyes, staring at me. I suddenly felt vulnerable. Like I couldn’t breathe. My lungs weren’t taking in enough oxygen. This is how I was going to die.

“Why did you say you loved me? I can’t stop thinking about it Baz. The words keep replaying over and over again in my head. Is this a trick? Is this.. Are you plotting to kill me?” His voice was quivering and his eyes looked lifeless as he whispered softly across the room. I sat up. Matching his positioning on the edge of my bed.

“Simon, I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.” I sighed. My face fell into my hands as a tear ran down my face. I couldn’t lie to him. It would be about as easy as killing him, even if it meant he would kill me now. Before I knew what was happening, Simon was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He silently placed two fingers under my chin and raised my head until we were staring into each other’s eyes. Those ordinary, plain blue eyes. The ones I have dreamt of every night since I was 15 years old. Magnificent.

Slowly, he moved his lips closer until they lightly brushed my own. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think let alone kiss him back as he pressed them slightly more forcefully against mine with his eyes now closed. Without thinking, I placed my hand on the back of his neck and moved my lips in time with his own. I must be dreaming. His hands felt hot as they moved to my waist. There is no world in which I would tell Simon Snow that I love him and he would respond by kissing me, is there? After a few minutes, he pulled his lips away from mine but gently rested his forehead against my own. We both tried catching our breath as I ran my hand through his thick curls.

“I think I like you.” He quietly murmured as he began kissing along my jaw. I closed my eyes and leant into his touch as I wrapped my arms around him pulling him into my bed. I couldn’t believe my luck as I lay in bed, entangled with the boy I love, as my eyes began to feel heavy and I slipped into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
